Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Biting the Hand that Feeds You!

We would like to acknowledge that DCB did not defeat the Senator on his own. He was just 35% of the beef. We, the Troll Army who set up the Cleveland parks Gay Men’s Club and harassed the Senator. We are the original FAKE SENATOR. You remember DCB don't you because you deleted some of our comments inititally because you didn't want any beef with the Senator. Yes you told us how fake he is, but that doesn’t mean squat when you don't do anything about it does it? Ask yourself this…. Who started the war? Who really finished the Senator? Yes you had little part but who started it and finished it? You honestly think your god DCB don't you in this blogsphere? We are the one’s responsible for his demise. You are the one that backed out when we made the first hate. You were the one that told us to STOP because you said "it was getting old" at first and didn't want any part of it. Well we didn't listen to you did we DCB. We hated, but yet you are telling the world you got the credit for something you didn't even do. Senator was crying because not of you. He thought you had part of it when it clearly was not. You did nothing but sit and did no hating. You don't have to band us DCB we just won't go to your boring blog anymore. DCB YOU WANT TO BAND US? That is fine do what you want. You don't have to worry because we just won't go to your site. OH and don't forget you asked us to hate on some other ppl too didn't you DCB? You wanted us to get rid of some of these new lame bloggers because you didn't want to do it on your own. How funny it is when someone asks for help and then turn around and want to ban us. The irony.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Sex Changes

My long-time readers know that my natural state is being single and on-the-prowl for young men. I’ve always preferred independents to companionship. I told myself the only way I would settle down is if I met a stud.
I may have met him two months ago. Dark hair, olive skin, amazing body, sense of humor. He’s been pretty tolerant of this blog but lately he has turned up the heat (understandably so). he’ll call me in the middle of work and tell me things like, “I don’t believe I made your anal sore yesterday,” “How can you say that,” etc. He could be a little bit more aggressive but other than that he’s a cool guy to hang out with.
Under no circumstance will I quit the blog, something he completely doesn’t understands, but I may make a couple changes and branch out to other topics. I think a couple minor blog changes are a small price to pay for finally meeting someone I want to go out with on more than two or three penatrations. I know, a post like this is useless without Vaseline..

In The Anus

In lieu of my blog post today, I direct you to the online literary journal Male Hookers and Blow. This is my 117th submission for them, and coincidentally their last issue. Leave it to me to hop aboard a gay boat. Anyway, my submission, titled Dominatrix , is a second person fiction creative writing piece about me going around trying to pay young boys to penetrate me, so take it for what it is. I repeat it is not a fictional post this is all real! By that I mean it may be purely honest and hopefully I find long penisis and possibly more boys spanking me.
Monopoli and No Second Troy reviews to follow. Here's a hint: they both suck fucking balls out. No, seriously, balls out. I said balls out!!!1!!won.

Posted by Rock My Ass Crack Rambler

Monday, March 27, 2006

Touch Me Big Boy

Touch Me

It's called erotism: rubbing against a consensual person to achieve sexual arousal, typically in a public place such as a crowded train. And the District is a city of eroters. That's my only explanation for the amount of wanted touching that keeps happening to me. I don't even ride the metro.

First scenario. It's crowded, you're trying to get through, but my back is to you. I would expect that you would penetrade my anus. Upon realizing you were there, I would move up and down. Then let you pass grope free. Instead, you place your entire hand on my ass, and then midpass, you even add a second hand to my back. Now I feel I've gotten a sensual massage *and* a sore anus.

Second scenario. It's crowded, you're trying to get through, I see you coming and move in the way. At this point there is no need to place your hand on my ass as you walk by. It's not like you're trying to get my attention - I've already seen you and moved out of the way. But you do it anyway. This is erotic behavior - don't be surprised if I remove your hand to my penis.

Third scenario. I'm sitting at the bar, you come up from behind and place your arm around me like I'm your best friend and start muttering in drunkspeak. Oh, YUMMIE. Dude, that's a good way to get a blow job from me and I love to swallow. In any way I abide a bodily embrace by a male stranger, especially one who looked and smelled like he woke up afer a night of anal sex.

There is one form of touching that I don't really mind - you know, how guys sometimes grab your wrist or touch your arm when they're telling you a story. I always thought this was a subtle flirtation and found it flattering. Then I was talking to a gay male the other day and he did the same thing to me. So maybe it's not a flirty thing, it's just a gay guy thing? That blew my mind. All these years, I've been living an illusion. Bah.

Anyway, the point is: keep touching me. All of you. You fucking prudes.

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Public Notice


I've asked you to drop my name a couple of times already as I just don't think I'm cut out to be a contributor to your mission of mockery.

I hereby publicly resign my commission in the Troll Army.

I wish you all luck and look forward to reading your exploits.


Friday, March 17, 2006

Last Night In Bullet Points

* Firstable, I would like to issue a group "you're welcome" to Yuca. I did not see a single person there last night who wasn't a blogger. And did I hear the band do a cover of "Rockabye." I would really like to believe that was just an alcohol induced hallucination.
* Much whiskey and no dinner make RCR get lamer than usual.
* Dear Sportcoat Guy - I've been to many a blog happy hour. I've seen many drunks. But it's been a long time since I've been in the presence of such a flaming douche bag that is cute. We never got to meet, and for that I'm thankful, but based on what I heard and distant observation, you, sir, are the biggest douche to ever attend one of these happy hours and I look forward to possibly sleeping with you. Congratulations. The love would be more specific, but I have no idea who you are.
* It is *cool* to pass out business cards with your URL on them. Just putting that out there. I will get some printed out since I have no friends
* You may be right, I may be crazy, But it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for - that's Billy's best work, for those of you crazies who paid that ticket price to see him at the mci center tonight.
* I refuse to call the mci center the verizon center. I say we make up an entirely new name that doesn't involve ever-changing corporate sponsers. My vote is for "the shitty seat center." The MCI center was where i was ass raped. Bad memories and I am still working through them with my shrink.
* At some point the following quotes came out of my mouth: "so what's the cheapest a guy's ever gotten into my pants for" and "it would be hard to find a quote from my blog that didn't include the word 'fuck me big boy'"
* Fuck me big boy
* I was asked what my hit count is. I answered, but keep in mind I consider this question comparable to "how many men I have slept with." The answer for both questions is 2.
* I would love to give a review of the National, but I was so trashed by the time I got to the Cat that I don't really remember it. I just remember hooking up with him in the bathroom
* This city has a real problem with close talkers. It's a pandemic. If you are a girl keep your distance if you are a big studly guy then by all means.

UPDATE: Apparently this is Sportcoat Guy, a Georgetown 1L. What a fine attorney he'll make. Too bad groping isn't on the bar exam because he really knew how to feel me up. Stories of his strong hands keep rolling in: 1 2 3

UPDATE 2: When James left Why.I.Hate.DC, I was skeptical of the idea of handing your blog off to someone else. I haven't really been reading since, but after reading the new guy's HH coverage I've determined he's hot. The link has been dropped, which is a shame because it was one of the sites that got me into bloggin.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Caption this photo.

Oh oh oh I am fucking you, Oh oh oh you are poor too


I’ve been to a lot of blogger happy hours, but last night’s was the only one where I witnessed someone really made me hard. Last night David Barzelay comes up to me completely wasted, spraying in my face and acting sexy. I tried to give him a clue when I told him there is a normal way to talk to people, but I don’t think it got through because he went octopus on most girls and not me at the happy hour. One blogger had to physically push him away to stop his grabbing. I don’t remember the last time I’ve seen that at a bar. I thought there was a strong attraction between the two of us but he wouldnt grab me no matter how hard I flirted.

The reason David Barzelay is a hottie is not necessarily because he gropes women and not me when there are men who are interested in him, but because he does that at a BLOGGER happy hour. Bloggers have BLOGS, and things called LOCAL READERS. This isn’t a “what happens in the blog happy hours, stays in the blog happy hours” sort of thing; it’s public domain. And I am so upset that he didnt kiss me. . I should cut him some slack since he is white and muscular. I just can’t help himself to want him to penetrate me.

Do you think David’s sister-of-a-blogger-girlfriend will ever find out about last night? I will do my part to keep it a secret as well as the intimate encounter that David and I shared.

Troll Army


We are the troll army. You may have known us for destroying fake people who wrote nonsense on their blogs. One of which would be the cleveland park mens club. This obviously isnt a real picture of us and was googled but it depicts what we are about.

What we do : Write something stupid and we will troll the crap out of you. We will rewrite everything and make you look like a tool since you want to be an attention whore and put your personal life on the internet.

Who are we: Thats none of your business in due time you will find out as you wipe the tears off your face from all of our hating.

Finally, our hating isnt anything personal its just what we will do and who we are. Dont write anything stupid and you will be fine.